How to Cook For One

One of the best, and most important, skill to start to master as an adult is cooking. Food is a basic thing to, you know, live, but it's also a wonderful opportunity to experiment and express yourself. Making cooking and baking a passion of mine has added something more to life. Dramatic, I know, but why do you think so many people have been sucked into cooking shows?

I'm not a master chef bt any means. I still make mistakes, recipes still don't come out quite like I hope, and sometimes I still burn cookies. But it's not something I dread, something that feels like a chore. Learning how to cook, and, specifically as a single person, takes a lot of trial and error. However, I'm here to share what I've learned works, for anyone that is still struggling, or will be soon entering into  adulthood where you can’t justify Taco Bell every night.

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1. Meal Planning

Meal planning is the most important step, for a number of reasons. One, you won't be figuring out what to do every night, instead you cram it all in one night, usually Sunday. It makes grocery shopping a lot faster, cheaper, and less stressful. Food also won;t go to waste, and if you love making lists like me, it's another opportunity to make lists. For some reason, meal planning stressed me out too much to start. I'm a super picky person, and I correlated meal planning with meal prep, which, as I work an inconsistent schedule, really doesn't work for me. That's not the case. I'm going to break down the super simple steps to meal planning.

First, although optional, buy a cute, but compact, small notebook. I did this for the simple fact that I can carry it with me, to work and the store, and will fit in my purse. I use it to make my plan and my grocery list, so my usual big spiral notebooks wasn't sensible. Second, if you already haven't. I encourage you to find a way to get ahold of recipes. Cook books are great, but take up space. There are tons of cooking pages online, I use the Tasty app, or just google recipe websites. Mostly though, I use Pinterest (click to go to my board) and honestly, just pin any recipe I find, whether it peaks my interest or not. To sum it up, get together a bunch of recipes. Third, just plan out what you want each day. I plan my week of meals based on my hours at work, and sales going on at Kroger or Meijer. Fourth, make your grocery list. When I pick what I'm making each day, I then make a list of all the ingredients I'll need with check boxes under it. I go through my kitchen and check off anything I have already, and compile the rest into another list. Lastly, I buy everything I need. I'll be going over grocery shopping later, but that's all it takes to meal plan.

It's important to stick to your meal plan for the simple fact that you buy your food based on that plan. Any produce or meat you buy, but decide not to use, is wasted food and money. It's also a great opportunity to keep ahold of any recipes that worked. I made a recipe book, because it's well known how over the top I am, but making a folder in your phone or just starring you already made meal planning list will work just as well. Don't give up on a recipe if it doesn't work the first time either. Cooking doesn't come natural and takes time and patience.

2. Grocery shopping

This is probably why most of you are here. I'm convinced that no one has any real idea how to grocery shop, I get irrationally angry when I see people tweeting a pantry full of sugary foods and pop talking about that's how their kitchen will look. So, it should go without saying, don't buy a bunch of fruit roll ups and call it a day. Alongside purchasing things from your meal plan every week, there are things that you should keep around, like basic seasonings (salt, pepper, onion and garlic powder, etc.), back ups for when recipes go wrong, (I have sooo much back up pasta), and it's fine to buy foods outside of your meal plan. Any frozen foods, canned food, snacks, for nights you really aren't feeling what you should be making for dinner. There are two big things I've learned; first, it's ok to buy in bulk, and second, it's not ok to buy produce in bulk. One of the hardest things to learn while cooking for yourself is how much to buy. It's ok to buy nonperishable items or foods with a longer shelf life you use frequently, in bulk. In fact, I always buy chicken in bulk and freeze it. It's cheaper, and as long as it's stored properly, it'll be good for months. Meats like fish, though, I don't buy in bulk. Most meats can be frozen though, in the freezer aisle, which will eliminate this need all together. I personally prefer fresher meat though, which leads me into my next point. When it comes to produce and perishable foods, be careful at how much you are buying. It's helpful to know the shelf life of things and how to properly store them to extend their freshness. When I first started, I would buy things like cilantro and parsley, and it would go bad before I could use it all. Although it's not as fresh, I opted to buy already chopped garnishes that last longer, which you can find with spices. I've learned to note how much I eat of things like bananas, apples, carrots, celery, and don't buy more than I normally eat. When it comes to buy fruits and vegetables I need for my meal plan, I will usually buy Monday-Thursdays when I go shopping for the week, and stop at the store Wednesday or Thursday to buy what I'll need the rest of the week. It ensures my produce doesn't go bad, and gives me an opportunity to pick up more things I need like milk or eggs. Ultimately, you need to gauge how often you go through certain food groups and shop accordingly. Don't be afraid of bulk, but also don't waste money buying too much food that will only last a few days.

3. Cooking for Two

When I say cooking for two, I mean you and you. I have gotten myself into the habit of, when I cook, I make enough for two. This isn't essential by any means, but having leftovers for the next day will cut back on spending for lunch at work, and could save you from cooking on the weekend. Leftovers aren't awful, and it's totally ok to shake it up the second time around. Most recipes are made for a family of four, and most recipes should not be more than halved anyways, because it could mess up the taste. There are even some things, like soups and casseroles, that I will make four servings worth and use for a few days, if I know my schedule will be hectic. Instead of cooking one chicken breast for chicken parm, just make two. Make the whole box of spaghetti instead of half. You don't always have to make single serving dinners, sometimes it's more efficient to cook a little more. Just make sure to plan how much you'll need when meal planning and shopping.

4. Other Important Advice

If there's one thing I can't stress enough, it's how much of a difference quality cookware makes when it comes to cooking. I have slowly but surely started swapping out my cheap Walmart cookware with more quality things, like Rachel Ray. Good quality tupperware will help with freshness, I recently got a Faberware knife set from work as opposed to a random knife set I was given for Christmas and I was so excited as how much easier it changed my life, I had to stop myself from just chopping other random foods. Little appliances like toaster ovens come in handy too, although I've done fine without them, and are more of a fun thing to have rather than a necessity. As your cooking skills are more refined, the more small kitchen appliances you'll want and will come in handy, just don't get ahead of yourself. 

The best piece of advice I can give when it comes to cooking is just have fun! Try new things, and don't get discouraged when things don't always pan out as you had hoped. As an independent individual,  however, it's crucial to begin learning how to cook and how to work your kitchen properly. It's a great stress reliever, it's much healthier, and will save you tons of money in the long run. If you have any points I missed or any advice you would like to share, let me know, because I'm always happen to learn! I hope you learned a thing and too, and happy cooking! 

My Addiction and Recovery

I think it's important to clarifying two things before I start into something most of you will find incredibly mind boggeling coming from me.

First, I am getting help. Second, there should no cause for concern about my well being. 

So, what could the straight and narrow, even picked up a joint her life, never drank until 18 Samantha be addicting and be recovering from? Xanax, the white girls addiction of choice (see, there's that infamous "I'm trying to cover up the seriousness of the issue," humor).

I don't want this to be formal, not that my blog is formal by any means. But I'm typing this from my phone. See, it's been a demon I've thought hard and heavy about showing, because I have no doubt if I had never told anyone, no one would have any clue. I could no doubt continue on with my life, leaving this bump in the road as just that. But instead of that awkward moment where you trip but catch yourself, then look around hoping no one would notice, I'm instead going to tell everyone about me almost tripping, because I did manage to catch myself, instead of falling and struggling to get back up.

I'm as surprised to be writing this as you probably are to be reading it. My entire life I watched my father suffer from alcoholism, and for a few years I had to simultaneously handle a mother who would do any drugs she could get her hands on. Now, I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty of some of the shit I had to survive, because that's something I don't know if I'll ever be able to share. But, suffice to say addiction, abuse, homelessness, and hardships were the basis of my young adolescence. I faced situations and endured traumas no person should ever have to face. After losing my mother though, I was finally able to pull myself up by my bootstraps. From that moment on, I was always getting into something, surrounding myself with the most wonderful friends. I was never alone, I never dwelled on my past and only focused on the fact that I was not a statistic, as I should be, but had the opportunity to make myself a bright future. Throughout college I was more than lucky to have met the people I met, an unbreakable support system with my best friends never more than 5 minutes away. For 8 years I was too busy to be able to conquer the monster that was quietly preparing to remind me I can't run from my problems. I had a great life though, I wasn't about to let go of the happiness I had yearned for for so long. 

I knew I'd have a hard time adjusting to adult life, but, I had no idea that it wouldn't be just adjusting to adult life. It would be coming home to an empty, dark apartment, littered with just memories of all my years of uninterrupted bliss. It didn't take for the sleepless nights and overwhelming quiet to take its toll. I felt 13 again, with tbe dark thoughts of suicide and how was I going to do this? All I could think of was the thoughts I had been able to put on hold. But how many times had I told others, it's a permanent fix to a temporary issue? Nevertheless living day to day was a constant struggle. I wasn't taking care of myself, I wasn't eating, I wasn't showering, the only household chore I could bring myself to do was take care of my cats, they were my only saving grace so feeding them and loving them was the least I could do. I don't know how I managed to even work like I did. I knew I couldn't keep going like I was going. 

My next issue is what led me down the road to xanax. I refused to see a professional. Besides being uninsured at the time, I refused to accept anything was wrong with me. I watched my mother struggle with no polar, and I refused to be labeled as a lunatic, despite all my advocacy for mental health, I was on the other side of the conversation. I wasn't on total denial though, something is very wrong with me. Depression at the least. I looked into what I could do, at home. Pot? I couldn't, I worked at a police department, and could be subject to random drug tests. Any drugs were out. The next was seemingly simple; self medicate. In my delusion I had rationalized my decision as I was fixing my own brains chemical imbalance. I had convinced myself I wasn't doing anything wrong, I was doing what any psychiatrist would do. Next thing I know, I couldn't live without my pills. But I was a functioning human again. For a while. After a few months I started to crash. All I could do was sleep. I'd get up to go to work, then go directly back to sleep. I was panicking, I had such a small window of freedom, and I was just not falling back down a hole, but I had dug the hole deeper. I was broke, I spent all my money obtaining the pills. I wasn't making much to begin with, so after my bills were paid, it was gone. The nights seemed darker and the thoughts were louder than before. And I was alone. No one knew what was happening. I had debates telling Alex and Carlos, but I didn't want to disappoint them. They had been there for me for years and it felt shameful for them to know what I had eventually stooped to. I've never been one to open up, I never let people know what's going on, which is a significant factor on why I felt like I had no options on the first place. 

When I got my interview for my job now, I was at my worst. I would go days without talking to anyone outside of anyone calling 911, and a few coworkers, when forced. After getting the job, I had my revelation. I couldn't keep doing this, I was better than this. I needed to stop letting myself continue to let myself think what I was doing was ok, just because I wanted to call it self mediciation instead of an addiction. I was making something of my life, I was in a place that I never though I'd be in. Things weren't good, but I was still able to land a job I had competed against many people for. I wasn't hopeless, my life wasn't hopeless. 

It's been a hard process, because my lifestyle hasn't changed. I come home to an empty, dark apartment. I love to be at work, where I'm around people who think I'm funny, who are more than happy to know how I am and ask me to go out, to come over. My best friends live within an hour of me, and I have a bright future. Everyday is a battle, but it's a battle I know I'm strong enough to fight. I tell myself everyday that I stopped before things got so bad I couldn't pull myself out. There are still those thoughts, the dark corners of my mind I find myself wandering into. I no longer have the distractions I had for years, the barriers keeping my suppressed traumas at bay. But it's been a wonderful proceeds, to find healthy outlets. Addiction is never a boat I though I would be in, but there's no question that I can be a better person from it, and to use this as an opportunity to let others know that anyone can be fighting demons you don't know about. 

If you feel like you're drowning, Iran important to keep in mind that all you have to do is stand up. Your legs may be weak, and you may be exhausted fighting the feeling of hopelessness, but air is just within reach. I know how much it's needed to hear you're not alone, and you're not.

Please feel free to reach out to me with any help you feel you need, and I'll help direct you to the right resources and people that will be able to help.